I'd Rather Not Forget

11-24-2008

2009-11-24T09:39:00.003-05:00

On this date last year microscopic cells were dividing and becoming our daughter. I've been thinking about this all week. I can't believe all that has changed in the past year and I couldn't be more thankful.

birthday part 3

2009-11-16T09:22:00.007-05:00

I'm wheeled into the OR. It's very very bright and very very cold. The anesthesiologist offers me $100 if I can get myself on the table. I tell him that I'll take 50 and can get my top half over :) I didn't think I would end up with a c-section, so I didn't pay too much attention to that part of the hospital tour. However, I always thought it would be kind of neat to watch it. I didn't see Dr. Z so the conversation with my new friend the anesthesiologist went something like this...

Me - has anyone ever asked to watch their operation
Him - uuuuhhhh
Me - I think I'd like to watch
Him - you can't. there will be a drape up and you won't be able to see
Me - you could drop the drape
Him - well, the incision is really low and you won't be able to see it past the top of your belly unless we brought in a mirror or something
Me - oh! could you bring in a mir-
Him - no

Right. So no watching. More people moving around. I get strapped to the table and up goes the drape. Dr. Z tells me some more about whats going to happen. Dr. C (my other OB) pops his head over the drape to say hello. It was nice to see him there too. They start poking me to make sure that I'm totally numb (I am). Dr. Z tells me that I'll feel lots of pressure and will be rocked around on the table a bit. I get a bit nervous that the pressure will turn into pain but that feeling quickly passes. They tell me that they are ready to go and then they bring Kevin in.

K and I are beyond excited - we know that we're about to meet our son or daughter! I don't feel any pressure and I don't remember being rocked around at all but K tells me that I was moving so much he was afraid I was going to fall off of the table. Dr. Z tells Kevin to stand up to announce the sex of the baby. I wait and don't hear any crying yet. Kevin says "It's a girl!" and I hear a little cry! Kevin is still standing and they quickly tell him sit back down. I have the biggest smile on my face and just can't believe that I have a daughter! I thought for sure that she was a boy! Also thought that she would be at least a week late (mother's intuition my eye). K and I just look at each other - we can't even come up with any words. They ask me what her name is and I tell Kevin to tell them - Amelia Lynn - a name that we have loved for years for a baby that we had been dreaming of for years. While this is all going on I'm listening to little cries and coos - I am dying to see my daughter! They give us her stats - 6lb, 0 oz - 21.5 inches long - apgars are 9 and 9. One of the nurses tells me that she is so long and lean - I joke that she doesn't get that from her mama and we all laugh.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, the nurse brings us a tiny little bundle. I am absolutely amazed, I just can't believe it! She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. We are completely in love. For a moment all I can do is stare at her. Her eyes are wide open but she's not crying. Her eyes are wide open but she's not crying. She's staring right at us and I remember thinking that she had the most intense look on her face. She looks just like her Dad and I couldn't love her more! The nurse hands our daughter to Kevin and I will never forget the look on his face. I have never seen him more happy, he was glowing! After meeting Amelia, my very favorite part of the day is watching Kevin become a Dad.

I'm suddenly very tired and can feel my eyes start to close but I fight to stay awake, I just want to watch Amelia. After a few minutes Kevin and the nurses take Miss A back to our labor/delivery/recovery room while the doctors finish with me. I laid there and just thought "I'm a Mom. Wow"

birthday part 2

2009-11-12T13:17:00.007-05:00

At the hospital (a whopping 3 minute drive) we get to the maternity ward. Talk with the nurses and head into one of the labor/delivery/recovery rooms. Nicole is asking lots of questions about my pregnancy and water breaking. I change into a gown and she uses a little test strip to make sure I'm not just peeing my pants again and again. Definitely not, you're here to stay. She hooks me up to all of the monitors. After trying twice to get an IV started she calls another woman in to do it. Lucky number three works and my IV is finally in. I've never had one before (have also never been in a hospital), I don't care for it...

11:00 - it turns out I am having some contractions but am unable to feel them. At this point no one has checked to see how far along I am. At our hospital your doctor is the only one that does that and he/she stays at the hospital with you until you have the baby. We update our parents and try to get some sleep.

Midnight - Nicole stops in to see how I'm doing. Still having some contractions that I can barely feel. She asks if I want Dr. Z to come in now. I tell her no, to let him sleep. I'm sure I'll be awhile. Try to get some more sleep but I'm really just laying there.

2:00 am - Dr. Z didn't want to wait anymore and comes in. We talk for a bit and he checks me - I'm a whopping 1/2 cm dialated. Yikes! He starts me on pitocin and anitbiotics.

3:00 am - 1 cm! They keep cranking up the pitocin.

4:00 am - Up to 2 cm. I have no idea what contractions feel like without pitocin but by now I start to involuntarily shake when a contraction comes on and there isn't much of a break between them. I'm spending almost all of my time not talking, keeping my eyes closed and thinking good thoughts. Nicole double checks that I wanted an epi (yes!) and she calls for one. They decide not to up the pitocin until I get my epi.

Anestesiologist arrives and K is sent out of the room. First he tries with me laying down. I am calm and not terribly worried about the needele about to go in my spine. I can feel him moving around and I'm getting awful shooting pains down the right side, then left, then right, etc. He tries two more times while I'm laying down and still the same - he can't get the eip in. I can't really describe this new pain - it's like my bones hurt. It's much worse than any contractions.

Then he sits me up and tries again. My blood pressure is through the roof and now they have me on oxygen. Try #4 doesn'twork and this bone pain is starting to get to me. He's been at this for about 45 minutes now and I am seriously considering just going without the drugs, but agree to try #5. Another 15 minutes or so and it's fnally in! There is pain relief but its not the I-don't-feel-anything-yay! that I was expecting. Oh well. The doctor apologizes and explains that he just couldn't find the epidural space. The pain I was feeling was him hitting bone. So now I know what that feels like. Hmm.

They crank up the pit again in hopes that my cervix will cooperate. They also bring in an ultrasound machine. The baby is still very high up and wants to parts of moving down. The baby is in the correct position though.

6:00am - still at 2 cm. Sigh. Dr. Z starts talking c-section, which at this point, is not a surprise. What does surprise both of us is that I can still feel the contractions, felt the exam and am starting to shake again. This time a different anestesiologist comes in. He gives me a bit more medicine and I stop shaking.

7:00am - another check. Dr. Z tells me that I'm still at 1/1.5. What?!?! The conversation goes something like this...

DZ - yep, still at a one, maybe one and a half
Me - what?!?! you said two! i can't be going backwards!
DZ - okay you're at 2

Dr. Z tells me that they are going to wait one more hour to see how I progress and then they will do the section. The baby's heart rate isn't as good as they want it and the oxygen mask comes back. I'm pleasently surprised that the contractions are tolerable, nice even. I'm not shaking anymore.

8:00am - yep. still at 1.5 (2). I tell the nurse that I've felt better in the last hour and she tells me that it's becuase they turned off the pit. Dr. Z tells everyone to get ready for the section. He doesn't want to wait anymore and is concerned that the cord may be around the baby's neck. Our room has been very dim and calm. Now the lights are on and more people are in and out. I answer some more questions, sign some forms and get fitted with some lovely compression hose. The anestesiologist that was in the last time comes back again. He talkes to me about the different pain medicine they use. K and I really liked him. While everyone else was moving around he just sat down and talked with us, nothing medical, just some sports and some jokes.

8:30am - all is ready and off we go!

birthday part one

2009-11-12T13:00:00.003-05:00

Friday, July 31 - my last day of work! I wrap a few things up, and end up with a surprise shower during lunch. I'm not really terribly emotional about leaving. I still have two weeks until my due date and I have plans to come back next week for a few meetings. In fact, I assure my colleagues that I'd be in unless I went into labor or something...

Monday, August 3 - My Mom and Aunt come over. The three of us scrub the house from top to bottom. I maintain that this isn't nesting because I am cranky about cleaning - the house has been a disaster from all of the construction. I feel fantastic that the house is now clean and even say to my Mom as she's leaving that the baby is welcome to come any day now, I just wanted to have the house clean.

9:00 I'm beyond exhausted! I grab a quick shower and don't even bother to dry my hair.

10:00 Kev and I are sitting on the couch. I'm just about to get up to head to bed and a feel a little gush of water. Then another bigger gush. All I can think is "get off the couch! get off the couch!". I say nothing to K and walk quickly to the bathroom. Hmm, water is still coming. I panic for about ten seconds "the baby isn't supposed to come so soon! is this really happening?!?!" It occurs to me that I haven't felt any contractions yet.

I called out for K to come in the bathroom and tell him that I thought that my water just broke. Here comes the look of panic. I call the OB answering service and one of my two doctors calls me right back. I don't think that he is totally convinced that my water has broken, but he tells me to come into the hospital, not to rush, but get there soon. Once I'm off of the phone I fill Kevin in and he's ready to go. Not so fast, I tell him - my hair is a disaster and I'm going to straighten it first.

K - you can't be serious
Me - I most certainly am
K - we gotta go
Me - I'm not even having contractions yet! Get the list out of my hospital bag and finish the last minute stuff
:: start to do my hair ::

We finish the last minute stuff. K calls his Mom and I call my parents. They both want updates when we get to the hospital. I get dressed. In the dining room it occurs to me that I'm wearing the pants that I wanted to wear home and I don't want any amniotic fluid on them. I hurry up and take them off.

K - what are you doing
Me - I don't want anything on these pants, I'm wearing them home
giant splat of fluid all over the floor
I am unalbe to stop laughing
K gets the towels
second splat of fluid, at least this only hits the towels that are already down
still can't stop laughing
K - put your pants on, I'll wash them later, we're leaving now

Off we go! I'm more excited than nervous, I think it's the other way around for Kevin :)

just remembered

2009-11-11T09:05:00.002-05:00

Hitting publish on the last post made me think of this one from a few weeks ago....

Your Dad was Eucharistic minister at 8 mass on Sunday. You and I opted to stay home and cuddle in bed and I would go to church later. A few minutes before Dad got home you woke up ready for your bottle. We were sitting in bed and you were happily eating away. I heard your Dad come through the door and I said to you "Your Daddy is home!". Right away you stopped eating, pushed the bottle out of your mouth and got the biggest smile on your face! Louie ran to the door and through the monitor we could hear him talking. When you heard his voice you smiled, turned to watch the door and didn't look away until your Dad was there.

and so it begins....teething

2009-11-11T08:30:00.005-05:00

You started teething a few days ago. It certainly seemed like all the teething signs were there you were fussy, a drooling machine and only wanted to chew on my thumb knuckle. I thought for sure that it was too early, but the internet assured me that it was pretty normal. Monday was a particularly rough day. You see, you are an incredibly easy going baby - lots of smiles and minimal fussing. Your Dad and I have become very spoiled by this and we know it. Monday morning you had your typical 4:30 wake up, diaper change and bottle. Between 5:00 and 9:30 aside from a thirty minute nap you fussed and screamed the entire time. I felt so bad for you - this was only the beginning - you'll have lots of these days when your teeth hurt or you're sick or you're just plain cranky. By the end of the day I was pretty worn out, but that's okay. Sometimes being a parent is hard and you are beyond worth it! Here's what I don't want to forget - when your Dad came home that night you were doing some mild complaining while sitting in your swing. He picked you up and the two of you cuddled on the couch. Immediately you stopped fussing and just lit up. You had the biggest smile on your face. For the longest time you just smiled and coo'ed and watched him. You were thrilled to see your Dad and that feeling was mutual. It was lovely to be able to watch that.

Miss Amelia

2009-11-10T09:53:00.002-05:00

My beautiful daughter. I love you more than I could ever put into words. Since you were born I've wanted to record all that you have been doing, little notes I want you to have and a little more insight into who your parents are, how you got here and how important you are to us. There is only so much room in your baby book and the need to start a blog for you has been getting to me more and more. I don't really need to share your picutres and stats with the world. I just want a place where I can jot down the little things that I don't want to forget. I would love for you to read this one day so that you can learn about your story. You're three months old now and this is where I'll start, but I will go back from time to time so that we don't lose any part of your story.